College Football Playoff: what to do about SEC football?

A peak into the South Bound and Down Crystal Ball reveals no end in sight to America’s College Football Playoff unhappiness without expanding the playoff field . . . and expanding, and expanding . . .

In 2067, Dawgs beat Dawgs in 53rd College Football Playoff Championship Game

From Atlanta’s Amazon Stadium in Doraville: In 2067, it was the year of the Dawg, as Mississippi State and Georgia squared off in the 23rd SEC only College Football Playoff Final.

Mississippi State claimed the national championship trophy, with those Dawgs eking out a 98 to 93 win. MSU won on the strength of 783 yards of total offense (712 yards passing, 71 running).

The recently expanded 32 team playoff field couldn’t stop the rest of America, including newly admitted Baja and Nova Scotia, from complaining about another All-SEC matchup.

Rapid Response

In response, the College Football Playoff Committee met in emergency session to devise a plan that will keep the entire state of Ohio from seceding from the Union.

(From CFP press release.)
Beginning in 2070, the College Football Playoff will begin with 64 teams seeded in 32 of the highest profile bowl games.

SEC Pushback

The reaction of Southeastern Conference Commissioner Jake Fromm was swift.
“We don’t have 32 high-profile bowl games. We don’t have any high-profile bowl games.”

The latest uproar resulted primarily from the 38 member Big 10 Conference receiving only one bid to the College Football Playoff for the 23rd consecutive year.

Said longtime Oklahoma head coach Baker Mayfield, “I mean, did they really think bringing New Mexico State into their conference would help?”

“The Big 10 went 27 years with no bids at all,” said Maria Taylor, Director of FOX Sports. “You would think they could chill a little.”

Apparently not.

Chairman of the Penn State Alumni Association and former Nittany Lion running back Saquon Barkley responded. “It’s  about time. The fix has been in ever since Kirby Smart (former Georgia Head Coach and winner of 14 National Championships) got to Athens. And Michigan State Notre Dame in 1966 is STILL the greatest football game ever played.”

Bryan McClendon, the 84 year-old Athletic Director at Georgia responded for the THE Southeastern Conference.

“Low Energy Big 10 still thinks beating the Pac 8 in the Rose Bowl is National Championship. FAKE NEWS! It’s not 1967, and it for sure isn’t 1867. Sad.”

When asked for a comment, Georgia Heisman Trophy winner Herschel Walker said, “Let me race ’em.” (Walker is 105 and still pretty crazy.)

the Big 10 is still and bunch of kids in Jim Harbaugh masks begging for candy

PAUL!

Paul Finebaum, the 118 year old commentator who still does a four-hour sports talk show from his bed in Magnolia Estates Nursing and Convalescent Care in Knoxville, was more blunt.

“You can put all the lipstick on it you want, but at the end of October, the Big 10 is still and bunch of kids in Jim Harbaugh masks begging for candy.”

Auburn co-Athletic Directors Sony Michel and Nick Chubb took a more measured approach.

Nick: Who cares.

Sony: The Georgia football team doesn’t dismiss enough players for us to compete

Nick: anyway.

Sony: We just kind of live for those odd years when we get Alabama in Auburn and hope for a botched field goal

Nick: or blocked punt.

Next: South Carolina football recruiting

As usual, ninety-two year-old south Georgia pig farmer and former Georgia head coach Kirby Smart had the last word.

“The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing, and the main thing is to chop enough wood for winter. If you’re in the Big 10, it’s gonna be cold, so keep chopping.”