The Richt-ing Effect: Everybody Expects Georgia to Lose

If you’re not a fan of satire or sarcasm, you may want to view another article on this site

Mark Richt can’t win a big game. Richt peaked a decade ago and has been coasting ever since. The last time Mark Richt had his team at peak performance for a relevant game, George Bush was still mumbling about “taquitos” and “Iraqistan.”

More from Alabama Crimson Tide

As a result, no one expects Mark Richt’s Bulldogs to emerge victorious against Nick Saban’s Tide this Saturday at 2:30 Central Time. In fact, let’s take a look at how many things are more likely to happen than Richt winning this matchup.

Extraordinarily unlikely things that are still more likely than Georgia winning Saturday:

1. The National Debt will be paid off

2. Donald Trump will become an immigrant favorite

3. Obama will legitimately support Hillary Clinton

4. Politicians will become honest

5. “Pawwwwwwwwwl” Finebaum will build a body to match his voice

Jul 15, 2015; Birmingham, AL, USA; Paul Finebaum broadcasts on ESPN during SEC media day at the Wynfrey Hotel. Mandatory Credit: Shanna Lockwood-USA TODAY Sports

6. “Pawwwwwwwwwl” Finebaum will stop embarrassing most of the SEC

7. “Bad” Bo Wallace will become friends with LSU fans

8. Dillon Day will win a humanitarian award

9. Dan Mullen will run out of hair gel

10. Jim McElwain will become a model citizen as a coach

11. Steve Spurrier will stop throwing his visor

12. Bret Bielema will win pay attention to his own schedule

13. Dogs will stop licking their privates and eating their turds

14. Les Miles will say something impressive

15. Kevin Sumlin will give credit to John Chavis

16. Hugh Freeze will have a red zone offense

17. Your high school crush will call you and tell you he/she is madly in love…with you

18. Guz Malzahn will coach a Heisman quarterback

19. Nick Saban will like Alabama fans

20. Derek Mason will coach a competent offense (I’m looking at you Muschamp)

21. Butch Jones will deliver on the 2015 hype

22. Gary Pinkel will be known by the other 13 fan bases in the SEC

Sep 12, 2015; Jonesboro, AR, USA; Missouri Tigers head coach Gary Pinkel after the game against the Arkansas State Red Wolves at ASU Stadium. Missouri defeated Arkansas State 27-20. Mandatory Credit: Nelson Chenault-USA TODAY Sports

23. Mark Stoops will emerge from Bob’s shadow

24. Tebow will be the NFL’s MVP

25. College football fans will admit they’re madly in love with all things SEC

26. John Madden will say something bad about Brett Favre

27. SEC fans will be excited to learn Gary and Verne are calling their game

28. Josh Scobee will make a field goal

29. Alabama special teams will impress

30. People will like Paul Finebaum

Just to remind you, the Alabama-Georgia game is tomorrow. And Vegas will still put better odds on all 30 of these items than Richt winning Saturday.

Next: SEC Heisman Hopefuls (Post Week 4)

More from Southbound and Down

Home/Alabama Crimson Tide